Avoiding Ourselves By Picking a Fight!

Most couples will go through a long period of feeling stuck. Chronic boredom, routine, loneliness, fighting, withdrawing, ignoring, blaming, blow ups, and going numb are just some of the long term behaviors couples hide behind. Why? Despite their best efforts becoming a lasting couple means facing every lousy feeling that you hoped that falling in love would permanently soothe.
Instead emotional intimacy has brought up depression, fear of abandonment, disappointment and rage. Some individuals impulsively blame their partner for not giving them “enough,”others go silent and wonder why they feel so crummy on the inside when objectively speaking they should be happy. Without really understanding why damage seeps into your love you try to change your partner so that you will feel good about yourself- as you had once imagined living together or getting married would bring to you.
Have you shredded your partner’s sense of worth? Have you had enough of self blame?
Do you expect to have the same “nowhere” conversations with your partner? Or have you simply stopped talking about anything that’s meaningful to you?
All couples once the romance fades, regardless of their backgrounds ( whether raised in a good or dysfunctional family)
will experience fear, pain, loss of control and massive confusion. Even going as far as wondering what was I thinking when I got involved?
It is the nature of love to bring out what we want to avoid in ourselves. We must balance self awareness with reasonable expectations towards our partners. Obviously hitting, excessive drinking, emotional disrespect, wild spending, and possessiveness and feeling superior or inferior are signs the relationship needs some help.
What is your style of feeling unhappy in your relationship? What could you do differently?