You control loving!

Change can be exciting, difficult, painful, a sign of progress or window dressing for staying the same. If we choose to make a change we usually think of it as us having taken control of our lives. If change is dropped on us then we tend to […]

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When You Are Getting Played

New romance is exciting and blinding. Our hopes for love, protection, feeling desired and companionship can override our self preservation instincts. We may ignore our gut feeling that our new lovers behavior or attitude indicates long term trouble. Key reasons to not trust a new romance! 1) […]

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Fear Kills

When individuals are unconsciously scared of their own needs they sometimes make up stories about their partner’s weaknesses. Their partners’ short comings become a bigger deal than need be. For example, you’re looking forward to seeing your partner but he or she is often late. You’re aware […]

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Long Distance Love Moves In

Moving for love. Long distance relationships keep romantic love alive without offering the safety that comes with attachment. The high remains, planning and imagining a future together can become a narcotic. Disappointments are minimized and good behaviors last longer. Meeting with each other is novel each time. […]

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Run your own damn errands!

Couples form for many reasons. companionship, having kids, mutual interests. What keeps a couple together and happy is feeling valued and respected by each other. Not valuable but valued. No one was born with the right to criticize their partner. Do your own laundry. Pick up your […]

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Fighting is a cover

Fighting is a cover. When partners consistently fight, they assume that their partner is the problem. Maybe. But many times each partner is terrified of feeling their own fears and vulnerabilities. As long as they can fight then they can avoid looking inside their own hearts. I’ve […]

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Good & Bad fights

Two types of fighting: 1) Stupid and destructive fights- because you just want to be in control. 2) Difficult but productive fights- although saying the truth initially feels painful. The tricky thing about fighting is that your hurt and anger created the fight but the end comes […]

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Love isn’t always on time.

Love isn’t always on time. The feelings of love can exist without the readiness to be a full time partner. Romance requires softening, opening up, letting some one in. But long term commitments requires other skills. Knowing when to rely on yourself instead of your partner. For […]

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Longing to be Understood

When you start a fight with someone you love most of the time you ache to be known. Fights take on a typical rhythm although the accusations seem somewhat different. “You don’t understand me.” ” If you knew me. “You don’t get me!” ” I’m tired of […]

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Two Fears That Cause All Your Fights

Seriously, do you think ’cause you’re married or coupled you can skip saying thank you & please? Stop fights. Shut up and look at your partners eyes. Don’t speak until you see warmth or you feel warmth. Love filled with fear won’t speak with honesty. “Be in the present” […]

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