Big Questions cannot help you. Should I stay or go? Is this a good relationship for me? Is my partner going to change? Am I happy enough in this relationship? While asking yourself Big Questions, is, of course, sometimes necessary your most effective questions are more simple […]
Read more →Secretly protecting your partner kills a couples’ romantic life! Protection may be as simple as not giving honest feedback because you fear that you will add to your partner’s over all pain in life. For example, often men don’t want to tell the woman in their life […]
Read more →Change can be exciting, difficult, painful, a sign of progress or window dressing for staying the same. If we choose to make a change we usually think of it as us having taken control of our lives. If change is dropped on us then we tend to […]
Read more →New romance is exciting and blinding. Our hopes for love, protection, feeling desired and companionship can override our self preservation instincts. We may ignore our gut feeling that our new lovers behavior or attitude indicates long term trouble. Key reasons to not trust a new romance! 1) […]
Read more →When individuals are unconsciously scared of their own needs they sometimes make up stories about their partner’s weaknesses. Their partners’ short comings become a bigger deal than need be. For example, you’re looking forward to seeing your partner but he or she is often late. You’re aware […]
Read more →Moving for love. Long distance relationships keep romantic love alive without offering the safety that comes with attachment. The high remains, planning and imagining a future together can become a narcotic. Disappointments are minimized and good behaviors last longer. Meeting with each other is novel each time. […]
Read more →Fighting is a cover. When partners consistently fight, they assume that their partner is the problem. Maybe. But many times each partner is terrified of feeling their own fears and vulnerabilities. As long as they can fight then they can avoid looking inside their own hearts. I’ve […]
Read more →Two types of fighting: 1) Stupid and destructive fights- because you just want to be in control. 2) Difficult but productive fights- although saying the truth initially feels painful. The tricky thing about fighting is that your hurt and anger created the fight but the end comes […]
Read more →Time and again I see young men in couples therapy who when angry with their wives or girlfriends will call them horrible names. If you can’t say it on TV you shouldn’t be saying it to your partner. However, the men usually explode after they have showed […]
Read more →Every couple, if possible would benefit from time away from each other. A night , a weekend whatever allows one spouse to stop reacting to the rules and values of the other spouse. Some couples emotionally merge – no longer knowing their separate needs. As a couple […]
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