Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

February Therapy

February, in New England, I say should be renamed “the do no harm month.” If you can do no harm to your own life, you’re doing great! Give up any expectations that YOU will flourish. You are surviving, period!  Goals should be minimal. Try not to get […]

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The difference between love and need

1) If you demand that someone give you positive feelings, that’s need. 2) If you think that the other person should consider your feelings before figuring out his/her own feelings first, that’s need! 3) When you assume that your partner has all the emotional power in the […]

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Loving and losing your way

1) A couples fierce fighting is never about the present condition, although it may be triggered by current behavior. 2) The fight began years before you met. 3) Pain, disappointment, and conflict are part of learning to love well. 4) Unfortunately the defenses we learned as a […]

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Avoiding Ourselves By Picking a Fight!

Most couples will go through a long period of feeling stuck. Chronic boredom, routine, loneliness, fighting, withdrawing, ignoring, blaming, blow ups, and going numb are just some of the long term behaviors couples hide behind. Why? Despite their best efforts becoming a lasting couple means facing every […]

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Is This Relationship Healthy?

Big Questions cannot help you. Should I stay or go? Is this a good relationship for me? Is my partner going to change? Am I happy enough in this relationship? While asking yourself Big Questions, is, of course, sometimes necessary your most effective questions are more simple […]

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Fantasy Relationships vs The Real Thing

How do you know when your romantic relationship is more of a creation waiting to happen than one you can count on in the present? Answer this question: Are most of your thoughts and actions based on getting the relationship to a more solid place in the […]

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Uncertainty in love

Uncertainty in love, at work, even changing friendships weigh like lead in our minds and heart. Humans crave certainty yet we are born into a world of constant change and impermanence. What a wrenching combo. Needing security in an insecure world. To stop our fears, demands, expectations, […]

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You control loving!

Change can be exciting, difficult, painful, a sign of progress or window dressing for staying the same. If we choose to make a change we usually think of it as us having taken control of our lives. If change is dropped on us then we tend to […]

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Run your own damn errands!

Couples form for many reasons. companionship, having kids, mutual interests. What keeps a couple together and happy is feeling valued and respected by each other. Not valuable but valued. No one was born with the right to criticize their partner. Do your own laundry. Pick up your […]

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Love isn’t always on time.

Love isn’t always on time. The feelings of love can exist without the readiness to be a full time partner. Romance requires softening, opening up, letting some one in. But long term commitments requires other skills. Knowing when to rely on yourself instead of your partner. For […]

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