Fighting is a cover.
When partners consistently fight,
they assume that their partner is the problem. Maybe. But many times
each partner is terrified of feeling their own fears and vulnerabilities.
As long as they can fight then they can avoid looking inside their own hearts.
I’ve seen many couples who are afraid to be emotionally intimate. They will fight about anything, including the weather. He’s convinced she’s an idiot and she’s convinced he’s a control freak.
But underneath their fighting
are 2 people afraid of being seen and feeling flawed. He’s scared of needing. She’s scared of being seen as less than perfect. She fudges the truth and proves to him that he can’t trust her with his emotional needs. His need for detailed information she sees as a control issue.
What can couples counseling offer?
Stop the drama. Stop the stories about which of them is worse.
Stop each from hiding out. Help each partner assert instead of react. Before you were a couple you were an individual. Let’s start here.
