Moving for love. Long distance relationships keep romantic love alive without offering the safety that comes with attachment. The high remains, planning and imagining a future together can become a narcotic. Disappointments are minimized and good behaviors last longer. Meeting with each other is novel each time. Lots of courtship and seduction continues. Even the norms of daily life can seem exotic. “I’ll run to the dry cleaners for you.”
SHOCK occurs when the couple end the long distance phase and marry or live together. Good behavior fades and at home behavior rears its ugly moods. “I resent getting your dry cleaning I have a meeting to go to.”
What can we do to ease the transition of moving in and living in the same city?
Each spouse needs a night out, even if the transplanted partner doesn’t know anyone else. Practice your independence skills the same way you practice an instrument or a sport. Moving in and becoming entirely dependent on your partner will kill the romance. Yes, couples need to be there for each other but learning to adjust to a new city is a year long project. Your partner is an adult; he /she can walk, talk, make a friend, join a team etc. Do not become a baby sitter. After the first few months of showing your love the hidden gems of the city get back to your healthy routines. Your partner is supposed to feel lonely, that is part of the deal when relocating.
Plan couple time and events but also build an individual life. Your relationship will be more interesting to both of you.
